


Almost Is Never Enough

by FvckNiall



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, Songfic, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide, im rlly sorry guys, sad!harry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-31
Updated: 2013-12-31
Packaged: 2018-01-06 21:18:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1111636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FvckNiall/pseuds/FvckNiall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He was bullied for reasons he could never really understand. He never did treat anyone wrong, he never did anything wrong, but he blamed himself for everything that happened to him. He was bullied because he deserved to be, He is the reason everyone hates him. He is the reason his dad left, he's the reason his mom's such a fucking alcoholic; He's the reason Louis left him. He's the reason, he’s the reason,  he’s the reason. It’s his entire fault and he is determined to find a way out. (Based Loosely on Almost is Never Enough by Ariana Grande and Nathan Skykes)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Almost Is Never Enough

**Author's Note:**

> >>>>>>>>>>>>TRIGGER WARNING

               Harry Styles was the boy everyone picked on. The one they tormented, the one they picked apart until he couldn't even understand his own worth. The one they  _bullied_  Harry hated to admit that he was bullied although, it was the sad truth. His school life is and has always been a living hell, not saying his home life is any better. He was bullied for reasons he could never really understand. He never did treat anyone wrong, he never did anything wrong, but he blamed himself for everything that happened to him. He was bullied because he deserved to be, He is the reason everyone hates him. He is the reason his dad left, he's the reason his mom's such a fucking alcoholic; He's the reason Louis left him. He's the reason, he’s the reason,  _he’s the reason_. It’s his entire fault and he is determined to find a way out. 

_**“I’d like to blame it all on life…”** _

                Walking down the halls was never an easy task for Harry. It was the same dreadful process he had to undertake every single day. His head was hung low as he was clutching on tightly to his books just as routine. He was thankful that today most people were too consumed in their own conversations or getting to their own classes to even notice him. He made his way through the crowded halls to his class and took his usual seat near the door. 

                A few students pilled in afterward. A certain blonde boy accompanied by the tan lad with dark hair that Harry used to know oh so well, crept by him taking their seats two rows back.  Harry turned to give them a light smile and try to rekindle a friendship that ended many years ago, like he did everyday  but quickly turned back just as he received the usual  scowl and a slight grimace. It seemed as if nothing would change. Just another reason. After all, what's a life with nobody to share it with?

 

                You see, there did come a time when Harry was okay. He had friends, He had life, and He had joy. In particular, he was friends with those two boys, Niall and Zayn. A friendship nobody ever thought was breakable, not even fractural in the slightest. It wasn’t just them though. It was a group of them. *Niall, Zayn, Liam, Louis and Harry* Harry and Louis though where inseparable. They were the best of friends together almost every waking hour of the day.  He was there for Harry when he had the worst days. He’d comfort him whenever he was breaking, defend him from his bullies. He was just  _there._ He was always there when Harry needed him.

                Harry would have never guessed in his right mind that his friendship with Louis would have ended, especially the way it did. He needed Louis in his life. Louis made him happy when he didn’t even know he could be. He fixed him; that’s what everyone thought. Harry was able to smile again with Louis in his life, but the moment he was gone a smile became something you'd rarely see on Harry.

_**“Maybe we just weren’t right…”   “We can deny it as much as we want…”** _

                 It was baffling as to why Louis exited Harry’s life so suddenly, just as Harry was starting to fall for him. Of course, Harry knew Louis wouldn’t like him back. Louis was straight but that didn’t change Harry’s mind about how he felt about the lad. He was exactly smitten and as his feelings started growing stronger, Louis started drifting more and more and Harry knew it was his fault because if wasn't such an exact  _faggot_  Louis wouldn't of left him! None of them would have.

                Louis not being a part of his life anymore caused the bullying to become worse again just like how it was before they had even met and for the last six months, Louis had just been letting it happen. It’s like the two boys where strangers to each other, Strangers who wanted absolutely nothing to do with each other. It wasn’t true, well at least on Harry’s side. But that didn’t matter anymore, nothing did. Harry was tired and determined but oh so tired. So tired and the day had just begun, So tired with just life and everything that's gone wrong so he decided with every worn down fiber in his body what he was going to do.

He was gonna jump, there was a bridge not too far into the city and what a better place to die than somewhere a beautiful as London? After a rather diminutive goodbye to the shitty hole-like place he called a school. As of the last bell he was off and hurried to the bus stop that would take him to the city where everything would fall into place.

   Arriving in the city, Harry decided to get a few things that will remind him of the good times he had before his life began to spiral down onto his shoulders. He got a milkshake from a little café he used to go to with his mum and sister before his sister went off to college. He sat in the little cafe a little too openly for quite some time actually. (Before he realised that he only had so much time to do what he must.) He went a watched a round of football in this old field where he used to go with Niall and Louis on weekends to watch a few matches. He did this blankly and left when he realized he wasn’t paying too much attention on to the game as he was thinking about all the memories he did have with the lads.

Harry had other things in mind but decided that it was time. He trudged his way over the bridge where he planned to end his existence. The walk was slow, almost agonizing but still filled with relief. A relief that graced itself upon Harry’s lips in the form of a small smile. Slowly, the curly haired boy climbed on top of the side steadying him before he climbed up. He pulled himself up a few minutes later to the top of the bridge and stood there looking at the water his body would soon float in.

He walked along the ledge a few times. His arms spread as he looked down at the sea water below. His chest rising and falling quickly with the adrenaline and fear that both began to rip threw his veins. He could feel the people gathering in large crowds around the bridge. He didn’t care. He just continued to sway in the wind. He felt weightless, he felt like less of a burden every time the cool wind blew against his skin. He felt at peace and it was a good feeling. Almost as good as knowing that there was someone caring for you, someone who was there for you, some who wanted to be there. You see, in Harry’s mind the two could never add up. Having someone would loved you will always be worth more. His thoughts where soon interrupted by a voice he knew all too well.

“Harry? Is that Harry!? Shit Harry! Don’t jump!”  The blue eyed boy called with an emotion Harry wasn’t sure of by the way it cascaded around his eyes or the expression on his face with the droopy cheeks or the curved down lips.  Harry guessed it was horror or guilt and scoffed as the boy began climbing up to where he was, ignoring the cries and screams from the crowd around him. He could of jumped right then. 

He was curious as to what he had to say to him, yet he wanted nothing to do with him. No, Louis wasn’t the reason he was going through with all this but he was definitely a part of the reason and Harry was sure whatever Louis had to say would mean absolutely nothing, completely. He thought Lou would be only saying it to divert him away from his death. To reassure him that  _"It does get better"_  and that he should  _"come down and get some help"_. Harry thought Louis was only doing this because he would feel guilty. Little did he know that he did, but not for he reasons one would think.

Louis pulled himself up to where Harry was standing. A slightly uncomfortable silence began creeping in around them.  After a few moments Harry spoke:

 “What are you doing here?” His tone was dull and lifeless and it almost broke Louis’ Heart.

“What do you mean what am I doing here? Harry I’m trying to stop you from doing something stupid! For god’s sake Haz, you can’t just be on the verge of killing yourself and ask me what I’m doing here!” Louis’ voice was rough as he gripped Harry’s hand to pull him back down to where the slightly bigger crowd was watching.

Harry pulled himself away from Louis stumbling slightly as he readjusted. “So you’re here now? How about when I actually needed you? This shouldn’t even matter to you, Lou! There’s nothing you can do. “

Louis looked down at the water splashing beneath them. “Haz I-I didn’t mean anything by leaving you all alone I just… I thought that…that if I-“

 Harry cut him off. “You thought that what?! That I’d be exactly here with all the bullying and having nobody, absolutely nobody!? Lou, you where the one that made me happy and when you left I haven’t been able to feel that! It's empty, I'm empty and empty is something I can’t feel anymore of, you fucking prick or else I’ll die anyway! 

“Harry I-I did it because”- Harry started again before he could even finish.

“Louis! What reason could you have!? Just leave me alone okay! I don’t care! I’m fucking done!” Harry was flustered, his face red and he was about to let go.

    _“And sooner or later we’ll wonder why we gave up…”_

“Harry I did it because I-I liked you, okay! I didn’t want you to hate me so I just… I drifted away. I feel like such a fucking arse! I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have ever left like that Haz.”

Louis studied Harry’s face sadly. Harry’s lips where slightly agape, eyes moving around frantically trying to process everything.  

Harry kept opening and closing his mouth as if he was going to say something. He wasn’t sure how to approach it. After a few moments Harry spoke.

“Lou…I…”

Louis edged up enveloping himself in the most sorry eye connect he’d had in his whole life. The look in this boy’s eyes broke his heart. They were broken, they were lifeless almost colourless. It made him just want to wrap him up in a hug and take him far away from this bridge but he knew he couldn’t, not yet anyway.

“Lou I’ve always liked you…but I don’t think you understand. I have to- “The flow of words where cut off by thin gentle lips pressed against his own. The kissed lasted for a minute but it was the best kiss they both ever had. When it had come to a finish, the curly haired boy knew he couldn’t stay in a world as cruel as this, so he had made the quick decision with a quiet "I'm so sorry" and jumped to his end.

His last thoughts centered around one magnificent thing only. Louis.

_**"Almost is never enough,** _

_**So close to being in love,** _

_**If I would have known that you wanted me,** _

_**The way I wanted you,** _

_**Then maybe we wouldn’t be two worlds apart** _

_**But right here in each other’s arms and** _

_**We almost knew what love was.** _

_**But almost is never enough.”** _

Louis was traumatized. He witnessed someone commit suicide. He witnessed his friend, his possible almost lover commit suicide. He couldn’t pull himself to find words to describe how he felt.

           Thoughts where running through his mind in every direction and without a doubt he was blaming himself. Within one day he’d lost all ambition he’d had in his whole life. He felt dull but he couldn’t imagine the pain he had put Harry through and without all opportunity to make it up to him, Harry was gone.

But Maybe Louis could find away to fix what he caused?

_**"If I could change the world overnight** _

_**There’d be no such thing as good bye** _

_**You’ll be standing right where you were** _

_**We’d get the chance we deserve”** _

 

****


End file.
